My rating: 5 of 5 stars
Oh Beck, beautifully broken Beck, how much did I love you? This book made me hurt so much because I’ve been where Olsen was but I didn’t get the HEA.
My Beck, (not his actual name obvs), walked out the door just after Christmas 1996 and he took my heart with him. It took an awfully long time for me to take control of it again. Even now, when I’m very happily settled into a 12 year relationship, with a 9-year-old son together, I’m honestly not sure how I’d react if my Beck walked back into my life.
I’d like to say I’d be able to sit down and shoot the breeze, catch up on those two decades, but if I’m brutally honest, I’m not sure I wouldn’t just want to fall right back into his arms, in spite of how much pain it would cause.
I can understand why people found Beck frustrating. But I got him, he’d suffered an intensely traumatic experience, he had lingering guilt over it, he felt he had to push away everything that had made him Beck before the incident happened. He put a mask on to protect himself from the pain.
When he met Olsen, he didn’t know what to do. Here was someone with the potential power to heal some of that pain, but also capable of crippling Beck beyond recovery.
I understood Olsen, I’ve been Olsen, waiting for just a glimpse of something that, if given the chance to bloom and grow, could develop into something truly beautiful.
You live with the expectation that today might be the day when your Beck admits that you are their one, the one they’re willing to fight for, to open up everything and you wait. You wait until eventually the realisation slips in that they’re not – in the words of Arnie – going to “be back” and you shut your heart down.
I was hoping and praying throughout this book that Beck and Olsen got their Happy Ever After together because for me, it never came. My Beck was the one that got away, that was too damaged to let go
The setting, the secondary characters, the world building, all are superb, these people feel real, you could bump into them on the street. The sex was sensual, passionate, powerful, heart-breaking, emotional, painful, healing and caring.
This book broke me.